Upon a Friend Asking if I would consider entering the field of Politics

"Why I do declare Madame, I am deeply offended that you could even imagine the remote possibility that a fine gentleman of the South would be caught in the reprobate congregation of degenerate heathen dastardly carpetbaggers at the State Capitol. To entertain the very idea of political office plumbs the depths of perfidy that are beyond the pale. You will find me in much more respectable establishments, say such as the local gin joint, Miss Lillie Langtry's upstanding cat house, or perhaps in the back room of a seedy motel playing a fine game of poker with respectable gentlemen"

To which my friend's reply was priceless beyond measure:
"Doc Holliday himself could not have said it better, sir."